The easiest way to characterise the results of this election would be this…

LK Advani – Retired Hurt.

Which in a sense is good for India. I have nothing personal against LK Advani. I merely hate what he stands for. I have seen that as a person he is more gracious and civil than most leaders that inhabit other parties including the Congress, but a leader is less a human being than a image. What LK Advani stands for represents something anachronistic to the current state of the Indian nation, its polity, its dreams and current requirements.

LK Advani was certainly relevant when the Indian middle class, not the professionals, the trader middle class wanted to feel a sense on achievement in having arrived, and was wanting to stamp its presence in the Indian polity. But that was way back in the late eighties.

Even the Ram JanmaBhoomi issue was a question of Hindu pride, not the pride of the civilised Hindu who had stamped his class all over history and the world eons much earlier, but that of the arriviste, with much of the same profile of the jihad financier, no brains, little education, much money and nothing much to do.

(OK there were some professionals in the US who were charmed by Hindutva then or perhaps still are, but we forgive them for now. )

LK Advani was a polarising point for these culturally illiterate but moneyed emotions, but for the professional Indian, the rising class of today all that is an anachromism. OK the Masjid is down, what next, the Charminar?

If terrorism has India in its shackles today, LK Advani should surely claim credit for it. For having spooked it in the first place and having  mismanaged it in his term as Home Minister.

Enough said, let us speak but little ill of the dead.

What next for the BJP?

I am sure that there will be a clamor to return to the roots, but any sane observer, Narendra Modi being one of them, would understand that the Indian electorate or its people are not going to be impressed by something that impressed their fathers 2 decades back.

And people like the Friends of BJP should stop the party from toeing that silly line again, whatever the cadres say. Or they will get enough Pink  Chaddies to wrap Mount Everest in.

Forget the …..aks of the RSS, forget the Muslim bashing, forget the terrorism and strong India claims, forget the bully line that its workers if not the leaders tend to follow, forget Indian culture and secularism, at least their version of it, all this is so dated and not as popular as the guys like to think.

Notice that the BJP has impressed where it has governed, be it Gujarat or India ( we excuse UP for now) for that matter, we should not forget that
the Vajpayee government was the most activist and far sighted government in the country’s history, next to Narasimha Rao’s of course. The BJP should concentrate on being the rightist alternate to the left leaning Congress government.

There is a saying in the US that when you are poor you are Democratic and once you get rich, you become Republican. India is certainly on the verge of becoming an economic powerhouse in the next ten years, and so the BJP have a legitimate and growing constituency that can fetch it rich rewards. Preaching Hindutva or the glory of Indian culture is not necessary to these people.

With richness will come a sense of pride and belonging to the Indian nation, and that sense will come without coercion or haranguing about Indian culture. Both Hindu and Muslim will be proud, as a nation we will be proud. And the BJP can use that pride to ride to power and even without bothering about Muslim birth rates which they make much ado about.

The Muslim is a reality in today’s India and you do not carry them with you by cursing and stomping on them. Many of them are actually very poor, and kept so by their mullahs and maliks, make them richer legitimately (many of them flourish in illegitmate businesses, a reality) and they will see more reason than the BJP expects of them.

Let the BJP celebrate Indian success than Hindu success and the votes will come. As of Pakistan, that perennial irritant, either it will self destruct or course correction will come in due course. Where is the Punjabi militant today? Did they not hold India to ransom once?

Imagine a party that harps solely on fighting terrorism in Punjab. So silly it would look in the current context. Terrorism is a problem that needs resolution not the Advani brand of harangue but the Chidambaram brand of effective action. Isolate the terrorists from hiding themselves among ordinary people and it will die on its own.

The BJP should for God’s sake forget the RSS based cadre or riding on their strength. Many of the cadres are crude, badly educated and express themselves rather badly and crudely. And are no better than the Muslim enemies they inevitably see around themselves.

More importantly, cadre based parties inevitably die, too much static inertia that they fail to reinvent themselves in tune with the times.

Look at the cadre based Communists, does the BJP want to be in ten years where the Communists are now? The Communists have been losing cadre strength ever since Independence and have always had to hang on someone’s coat tails till now.

Now that Karat has got the stick, pun intended, I am afraid the party will be in the dumps for a long time to come. They certainly deserved no more than 30 seats in the Lok Shabha right from the eighties itself, their time is but gone. If BJP continues to toe the Hindutva line and base itself on its cadres, in ten years time, it will be where the Communist Party is now, limited to 30 seats. Advani’s and the RSS’s long labour of hate would have been in vain.

Let us look at the advantages the BJP currently holds. Leaving aside the Congress the BJP is the only party with the largest recognition and
mass appeal and certainly the right ideas about governance.

Much as the entire world moved Right in the eighties and the nineties, when capitalism was in fashion, the world is moving Left now, thanks not only to Latin America and to Obama. The BJP was unfortunate to get caught in that
stream this time, the Congress was fortunate,  but that need not be the case next time.

The projection of Advani and Modi must stop, they are actually national level liabilities, whatever their respective achievements be.

As I said earlier, the leader is the image and these leaders images are sort of close to rotten that both have tried to make amends. Advani even got to quote Francis of Assisi in his blog, while the party’s faithful were faithfully burning churches and killing Christians in Orissa and elsewhere. And Modi bhai has had enough sense to tone himself down despite his cadres crying hoarse over him.

Yes, the Congress can be accused of riots and emergencies, they have not taken pride in it like the BJP does, to their credit they never attempted to Punjabise India much like the BJP seeks to Gujaratise India.

While the BJP speaks about Gujarat with pride, the cadres if not the leaders tend to concentrate on Godhra successes of rape and pillage. And they expect that to get votes…while your stomach churns. The Congress and the psuedo secularists to use LKA’s terms come out looking morally good simply because the BJP have tried to make themselves the bad boys of Indian politics.

Which is such a sad story because there is a wealth of leadership talent within the BJP. There is so much that they can do for India’ good once they steer clear of Hindutva, which they can of course talk about in the privacy of their homes and their chaddi clad masters.

Next is the grass roots appeal. The Congress has certainly cultivated sanitised imagery right from Independence, their leaders came to be lionised but with moral goodness, whatever their private lives or their corruption be. On the other hand the BJP has always postured with a belligerence that does not go down well with ordinary people.

Whereever and whenever they have had civil people like Vajpayee or even Jaitley for that matter,such leaders have quicky gained mass support and adulation. People have been more than happy, nay anxious to vote for them. I am sure that if Vajpayee had been the party’s face this time, rather than Advani and Modi, the BJP would have won effortlessly. No one likes bullies except in tough times.

Oh, tell Jaitley to pull of that Advaniish frown which he tries to cultivate these days, (it may go well with Chidambaram, for he has to be a task master and is generally seen as tough, but see how close he came to losing his seat, a hard frown is not for Jaitley who is supposed to be the human face of an otherwise inhuman looking party)

Clearly the masses are looking for someone with vote grabbing charisma in addition to good governance, not Narendra Modi style of course, or sour puss RSS types. Either the BJP produces that leader in five years time, a leader with charisma and guile, or Rahul and Priyanka will rule the roost well into the next decade.

Dont blame us the voters for getting sucked into it. Surely they have the looks, the charisma, the advantage of history, and despite the recent moral advantage lost with Rajiv but gained with Sonia, they are well placed to lead India into another Congress century. Even ultra modern America has had a fashion of First Families, the Roosevelts, the Kennedy’s, The Bushes, the Clintons and perhaps the Obama’s too.

India cannot go wrong with dynasty for the next fifty years simply because Sonia has set a fine example of treading but lightly.

Charisma and sauve matters, why bother with sour pusses and fire brimmers when the same can be gained effortlessly and with love is something the BJP brass to should put their mind into, a sauve charismatic leader is an emerging requirement for the BJP. Vacancies, so as to say, are OPEN for this post.

Forget Advani, if you project Modi in 2011 or 2014 you are going to get even lesser seats. This attidute I believe may continue upto eternity. Here is
where the Friends of BJP, which as I noticed in my blog answes to another term so well, and which the people of India have told that party to, can help.

These people are young, idealistic, articulate, have the interests of the nation at heart and are willing to speak up sanely and be counted. Perhaps there is a place in the sun for them, they better prepare for it starting now….

No more mocking of Advani now, the battle is won. Why pour oil into an extinguished fire?

For the BJP, the message is simple short and clear.

Reinvent yourself, get some more charm, and talk about your Muslim peccadilloes in private and private only. And dump LK Advani when he is
more than willing to go. Even Modi bhai better stay in Gujarat where he is more welcome. Find new leaders with charisma and mass appeal and
something original to say than harping back to Hindutva, Pakistan and Hema Malini;)

A new brave world awaits the BJP, only if it is willing to take it. May the Lord make its leaders see some sense or the electorate will surely drum it in. Which is such a pity given the talent that resides within it.

http://www.saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/

Unlike this blog, which is born out of a visceral dislike for dunces and hoodlums that populate the BJP with the properly duncish looking windbag LK Advani as its head, FOBJP notwithstanding, and has mockery as its sole aim, SayNoToAdvani is more a well reasoned blog, albeit with a hagiographic Congress twist. It makes for intelligent reading, and amidst the chaos, it stays the course even while the language and mood is definitely partisan.

The topics are interesting, at least to me, and is worth a visit….

Advani Vs. Manmohan here –>

http://saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/2009/04/can-advani-match-manmohan.html

Advani’s Record as the Union Home Minister –>

http://saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html

The Real Mr.Advani –>

http://saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/2009/03/lal-krishna-advani-profile.html

Kandahar –>

http://saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/2009/03/advani-and-kandahar-hijack-episode.html

Rath Yatra –>

http://saynotoadvani.blogspot.com/2009/03/his-rathyatra-journey-of-faith.html

RSS Science-> as Good as Nazi Science ?

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/fraud-scientist-takes-rss-for-a-ride-down-lord-rams-bridge/33813/0

and a lot more….in particular look out for the external media links embedded within the posts, some of them are real eye openers. Now I don’t claim to have read it all, I intend to and you will hear from me soon….

I should reiterate that I am not a Congress fan or man, I find that they have been twiddling their thumbs for good measure for much of these five years, but then they had a unreasonable allies in Carrot and Co, another holier than thou dumbo and charade and composed of as many thugs and goondas as the religious right.

If it was just Hema and Hemaji alone for the duncish Advani, it is a Ménage à trois (spares included) for his mongolism blessed pupil. See this bit of humor from him….

http://election.rediff.com/report/2009/apr/22/loksabhapoll-modi-at-his-sarcastic-best.htm

"Friends, now a days wherever I go, I am chased by the SRP. They are behind me all the time. No I am not talking about the State Reserve Police. What I meant was Sonia, Rahul and Priyanka… SRP. They have been behind me from the very beginning of the election campaign. They even take turns to talk about me…on Monday Sonia, on Tuesday Rahul and on Wednesday its Priyanka. Again the cycle is repeated. As soon as it is morning they start chanting my name Modi..Modi.. Modi," the Gujarat CM said.

If you read the quote again and carefully, you will see my point that Modi is a master in the art of double speak. He surely hides more than he reveals.

The only thing that beats me is this, why from behind…and why only one at a time, and why on certain days. Surely, given his really simple syndication training, he can manage more…

And you can see what’s NEXT on his mind…The State Reserve Police, no less. Freud would have blanched, and joined in.

He has courage, he has imagination, and he is brave, our Mr.Modi.

And he is willing to bet his behind to prove it.

Surely this is a piece that needs chasing. Any Takers ?

If you are like me, then you do not exactly cherish the visit to the polling booth where people you have never met before and will perhaps never meet again will smile at you as if you were old friends. And even try to shake hands.

And the long and dirty line, which you need to share with the aam aadmi, and in this drudge heat, the smells and the sweat, not an exciting prospect in the best of times.

And there is always the WTF question that hovers in your mind. Does my vote really make a difference?

You know I have been talking to the aam aadmi and some of their reasons for their choice of party and candidate really depress me and make me question the whole idea of universal suffrage. The other problem is that I have always voted pro development and every time I voted the other side won. So what is the point?

It can be really depressing… ∴ (therefore) I will vote in the next general elections. And perhaps be a candidate too.

When I come asking for your vote, don’t pass me this url, will you?

There is a charming social custom at these parties. Somewhere close to midnight, all the lights go off and you are allowed to kiss anyone of your choice. And if the partners can manage it, much more.

As you can understand, right from the beginning of the party, people who feel attracted to each other on the given day begin to maneuver themselves to the ones they fancy.

That day since Advani was a guest, the décolletages were deeper and given the chance that he could possibly be the next PM, competition to get him was intense. A young 20 year old Kim Kardarshian look alike finally snagged him, in following Indian culture no one could beat Advaniji in his fascination for CKPeeche, his dil always maanged more.

However despite snagging such a obvious treasure, Advaniji’s mind seemed not to be on her. He seemed more impressed with a rather portly old woman who had a rather large diamond pendant lying right on the old but admirable landing strip. Looks bigger than her nipple, commented the jealous young thing to Advani.

Is it, remarked LKA as he tried to compare the sizes. After a long inspection that rather pleased the crusty old dame, Advaniji agreed with the PYT’s conclusion. Yes, much larger, he agreed. How much would it cost, he asked her, his eyes transfixed by the gems brilliance.

20 million dollars, give or take a million said the PYT. Advani, who usually found it irritating to convert this to crores started to fumble. It is 1,00,000 crores said the PYT with a touch of confidence. Advani who often lost his mind when he met anyone speaking English was amazed that while his total assets were only 40 crore and a khakhi chaddi, how did this woman get to wear a jewel costing a lakh crore.

“She is the mistress of …., the PYT whispered in LKA’a ears. And you know Baba, he keeps so much money in his Swiss account, that the bank had to dig a special tunnel to store it. when they finished all that digging and storing they found that the tunnel actually ended in neighboring Australia.

Darling, she said, while nibbling on LKA’s rather large ears, when you become PM, will you get me one like that. Anything baby for you, commented LKA, but his mind was far away.

The problem was he did not know where one went about getting a Swiss bank account. Shit, if he had known about this facility in his day as India’s Home Minister, he could have saved his cut from the Kandahar drama in some place like this. But he did not, and before he could do anything with the money, Venkaiah Naidu had sweet talked it out of him and invested it on some sleazy Tollywood actress.

As usual like a fearful man whistling in the dark, Advani’s strategy is to say things that he does not understand in the loudest voice. So the next morning there was the statement about the Swiss Bank accounts and he connected it to the only topic he knew, terrorism. The other details were provided by his team.

The news channels finally caught on, but Advaniji seemed rather disturbed until 12 noon that day. Which was when IBN live decided to show the map of Europe with Switzerland marked rather prominently. That afternoon, he had a rather easy nap. He had finally found where Fernandes had kept the money he had got from the coffin deal. Call Fernandes, was his first command after waking up.

His mind went back to that one woman he had missed, Hema Malini. When can I call you Hema rather than Hemaji, he had whispered in her year one evening. When you are dead or when you can get me the Kohinoor Diamond, Hema or Hemaji had dismissed him rather too curtly. 

Now that he knew what a Swiss bank was and where Switzerland was, his mind went into fantasy over drive. Hema still looked wonderful, even though someone said Sri Devi looked much better. No, No, like Laloo, he was very much a Hema man and would remain so till the end.

Now I will be able to get her where I want her, he thought, why the Kohinoor, I will give you a larger diamond sweetie, I will even make you President, he told himself. His team caught that rare smile and asked him what it was.

Nothing, nothing, he said hurriedly. That evening he found his team discussing Clean Sweep Ignatius, a character from one of Jeffrey Archer’s short stories. They were discussing something about corruption and the Swiss banks but Advaniji wanted to hear no more….

References:

Clean Sweep Ignatius from The Twist in the Tale, By Jeffrey Archer. It is possible that his team was discussing what Advaniji would do  once he found the right Swiss Bank, but then we were not privy to such conversations nor were they privy to LKA’s secret fantasies.

And Kim, for those who are unaware of her is here, here, here, and here. Enjoy!

The pastor thought it would be good to have the lady’s parrots brought for some religious instruction from his parrots. When the parrots were finally brought together, one male parrot told his companion who was going through the second psalm to stop singing it. Why asked the companion! Idiot, look, what we have praying for has finally arrived. End of story.

A couple of noble minded souls have joined hands to create the Friends of BJP, abbreviated as FOBJP, which has other saucier expansions you yourself can think of. All they do is spread out on the Internet and talk and think noble thoughts. To be fair to them some of it is worth reading and recommended for every well meaning Indian.

The literati however are not fooled by the show, but by all accounts the show is not only good, but pretty deep and serious. Many of the comments however do not deviate from standard hagiography, which means that unknown to us, somewhere someone has passed the Turing Test.

It may be wrong to suggest that these intellectuals are angling for future posts in the future BJP government (when in the future?), after all you need pretty decent ones for the cabinet and other posts. They may be honest and well meaning individuals after all.

However life and politics tend to tar everyone with the same brush and it remains to be seen what will happen when these pious parrots meet those foul mouthed sex obsessed wenches. Watch this space!

This latest post on St.Francis of Assisi tries to make LK Advani look positively asinine. Obviously one of the glam Arun Shourie inspired magis sitting there thought this up and also managed to convince Advani that the Christians would perhaps fall for this line of attack, or defense…

You need not go there to read it, for it is reproduced here verbatim, with comments of course…(in brackets)

How to be in God’s service by St. Francis of Assisi ( by St.Advani of Asinine )

• It is in giving that we receive. ( Why I receive bullshit )

• If you have men who will exclude any of God’s creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men. ( And spread it around evenly… )

• It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ( Khandahar, explained ! )

• It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching. (which is why I take a rath)

• It is not fitting, when one is in God’s service, to have a gloomy face or a chilling look. (Now don’t look at me. I am in the Devil’s service)

• Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love. ( I love Jinnah, should Jinnah love me? )

• Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury let me sow pardon. ( Lord let me swallow my instrument of P’s and let it sow with abandon )

• Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. ( See above: You always thought such things impossible )

• While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart. ( Mistake by St. Francis, he actually meant throat)

• I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. ( Any doubts anyone ? )

* * *

There is a small side note that explains who St.Francis of Assisi was, well I do not want to write to parody that. And of course for your continual amusement kindly subscribe to his RSS feed. It is quite amusing.

This man for Prime Minister, sitting in Nehru’s shoes? If this man’s speechwriters themselves find him intolerable and seek to change his image with disastrous results like these, how can India and the World tolerate him? It is time he fired this comic bunch and wrote these things himself. At least the comedy would be better and he will write straight from his throat, sorry heart.

India’s finance minister P.Chidambaram has an agile mind. And an agile body too as the nation found out, when hitherto anonymous Jarnail Singh chucked a shoe at him. Jarnail knows he is in good company, so does PC.  Shoe throwing was big for Jarnail, but for Chidambaram, it was merely another of his insights come true.

Soon after the Bush shoe throwing incident, Chidambaram had an inkling that this shoe throwing business was going to be in fashion. So right on the terrace of the Moopanar building in Sivagangai, right on Gandhi road, he established the Subramania Swamy School of Chucking and Ducking where he got himself trained for 120 hours.

For those who want driving directions, it is here.

Spread over 2000 sq feet of prime property, the school now offers courses of 120 and 250 hours in both ducking and chucking and if you happen to be in Sivagangai, you can see a lot of local politicians making use of the facility.

Some of the teachers are as eminent as the students themselves, however naming them here will reduce the place’s curiosity value. With the new incident, which some claim PC himself promoted, the institute is bound to become popular. PC intends to open up the franchise to all state capitals in the country before elections are over. If you plan to open one, write to him here…

PC plans to paint great white shoes over the roofs so that they would be visible on Google Earth.

Given that the UPA has become Uncomfortably Poised Alliance and that Dr. Manmohan Singh has already enrolled for his next doctorate in economics at Harvard, Chidambaram finds little reason to remain idle.

And if you did not know Jarnail Singh has already joined the course at the 3SCD franchise coming up right next to the Golden Temple. The bugger still needs a lot of practice. Let us hope that (with PC personally training him, now you know why PC said gently gently) he will get it right at least next time.

PS: If you thought the shoes business were just not hitech, see here and more interestingly here

http://www.sathyaprema.com/will_advani_become_prime_minister.htm

For Advani acolytes, here’s some relief….

http://nitawriter.wordpress.com/2009/04/07/hand-analysis-of-lal-krishna-advani/

Notice these points from the above post:

At times his ability to get influenced can go against his own logic and reasoning, which he has plenty of. His own nature is a cautious one and I wonder if this is which leads him to be influenced, making him give more importance to another (trusted) person’s views than his own.

No wonder the comedians that advice him are getting it all wrong and so is he. His gullibility to advisers fluent with English and nothing else has been reported elsewhere before.

And This….

But now to his worst trait, a trait that casts a shadow on his other good points. His hand shows selfishness. He will sacrifice the interests of others to achieve his own ambitions. That is the only thing that comes in the way of him becoming a truly great leader. It’s almost as if he is on just one track, and that track is himself.

What Next, WHOLE Brain Analysis?